Laura Flynn Boyle-May 12,2001
JF: "I'm Jimmy Fallon."
TF: "I'm Tina Fey, and here are tonight's top stories..."
TF: ""In an interview with CNN this week, Dick Cheney said he may need more heart surgery. Cheney says his doctors have advised him to cut out all red meat, avoid stress and drop the extra 175 pounds that have been weighing him down."
JF: "Officials say that a number of London's historical buildings are being severely eroded by people urinating on them. Meanwhile experts have determined that Manhattan was once the size of South America."
TF: Massachusetts governor, Jane Swift is making history as the first governor to be pregnant while in office. Swift says she is extremely excited, happy, sad, nauseous, angry, depressed and happy again."
JF: "Millionaire space tourist, Dennis Tito returned to earth Wednesday after a week in space with Russian cosmonauts. For his twenty million dollars, Tito got to make history, take the ride of a life time, and learn the Russian phrase for "Don't touch that idiot.""
TF: "Toy makers, Mattel this week announced they are releasing a Cher doll. The 8 inch tall fully pose able and made from the same sturdy plastic used to make Cher."
JF: A bill to allow pet ferrets in New York City was passed by the city council Wednesday, and now must be approved by Mayor Rudi Guliani or as he is known in the ferret world, "our fearless leader"."
TF: "Research is being conducted on the world's first contraceptive patch for women, the patch is approximately 3 inches in diameter and reads "Get off me."."
TF: "To the surprise of many ratings for ABC's Spin City have improved since start Michael J. Fox was replaced by Charlie Sheen, evidently the show has finally tapped into the 18 to 34 hooker demo."
JF: "Research by the Royal School of Veterinary Studies show that dogs often get sick and many are allergic to their human owners. However, my research suggests that dogs are often sick because they stay up way to late playing poker."
TF: "The Florida legislature this week approved a thirty-two million dollar program to modernize the state's voting equipment. Jeb Bush said "The machines are so accurate and easy to use, there is no way I am getting reelected."."
TF: "Ellen Fine the author of The Rules and The Rules of Marriage has announced that she is getting a divorce from her husband of fourteen years. Fine is currently working on her new book The Rules of Drinking Alone."
JF: "An Arizona company is selling a scratch and sniff test to screen Alzheimer's disease. Apparently, if you scratch the panel but forget to sniff, you've got Alzheimer's."
TF: "In an interview this week Soprano's star James Ganderfini says that he will probably leave the hit show after next season. Read more of Ganderfini's interview in this month's Career Suicide magazine."
JF: "Cliff Hillgas, the creator of Cliff Notes died Saturday, at his home in Lincoln Nebraska, at the age of eighty-three. Services will be held Sunday, from 2:00 to 2:05."
JF: "I'm Jimmy Fallon."
TF: "And I'm Tina Fey. Good night and have a pleasant tomorrow"